AS A NON-SAUDI married to a Saudi, I am blessed that my husband’s family accepts me and they are open to Saudis marrying non-Saudis. Other foreign wives of Saudis are not so lucky. From blog comments and in private e-mails, I get the gist that a non-Saudi Muslim woman can’t reconcile the reason of a Saudi only marrying within his tribe because it is simply from the culture and not from Islam. The other matter that I’ve learned from their complaints, is that they regard marriage as being between two people without interference from the family. Any person should have the freedom of choice to marry whom they want, without being bullied into a decision or made to feel they will be disowned by their family for that choice. Not all Saudis agree with this cultural tradition, but it takes a strong-willed man to stand up for what they believe in despite familial objections.
Unfortunately, the idea of a Saudi woman marrying a non-Saudi, is not nearly as acceptable as it is for a Saudi man. The resistence to this type of marriage is strong and could result in her male gaurdians preventing her, by withholding their consent .
Their motives may be for reasons such as the fact that the suitor is not her immediate cousin or from her tribe, or because they insist that none of the younger daughters be married until the oldest one is married, or keeping her salary if she is well-employed; or just because they want to excersize control over her.
It is understandable that a Saudi woman’s guardian has reservations that she may not be compatible with a non-Saudi due to cultural differences. If that is the case, why not at least meet the suitor, conduct rigorous investigations of his background and family, before making a decision or advising her on whether she should proceed to marry him or not? And why not be jubilant that someone good wants to marry her and start the wedding plans to help her fulfill half of her deen?
Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said “If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption.” (1)
A young lady named Soba, has been struggling for a long time to get approval from her male guardians to marry an American. Her family does not want her to marry him because of “The difficulties non-Saudi children will face, and that they want a tribal marriage for her.”
When asked what she thought the solution to her problem should be, she replied that the government should treat Saudi women’s marriages to foriegners equally as Saudi men, in terms of a permanent iqama for the non-Saudi partner and to give the spouse the chance to become a Saudi citizen along with their children.
Maya also wants to marry a non-Saudi man from Yemen. Her family does not agree with this, “simply because he is not Saudi. The issues they are worried about include possibly living outside of Saudi Arabia and issues of nationality/custody of children in case of a divorce.”
She further stated that, “We have an overall negative view in Saudi society toward marriage to non-Saudis. In some cases, families are ashamed that their daughters are marrying a forienger. People would then assume she couldn’t find a Saudi husband because there is something wrong with her that drove Saudi men away. Or they may assume that this is a love connection which is taboo in Saudi society.”
Marriage is a personal choice and a marriage partner should be chosen with a free will. Whether it is a tribal marriage, cousin marriage or marriage to a foreigner, it should not be forced upon someone or obstructed with the belief that this will prevent marital problems in the future.
Commonality is not always synonymous with compatibility. Neither should a person be coerced into a marriage to ensure bloodlines remain pure. No human race was meant to be a pure race nor their culture completely homogenous.
For Allah created us from different nations and tribes so that we may know one another (2)
1. Hassan Ghareeb, At Tirmidhee, Number 1085
2. Qur’an 49:13